Second poem in a row I've opened a collection of Borges' poems and found a word to start me. When you think of Borges, with his bottomless knowledge of myth and bottomless well of mythical creation, it may seem a poor reflection on duncehead simple-minded me that the word was, in fact, "myth." But there you have it. When a girl is starting a new poem, she ingests the sure witchery without looking back, the sure transformation from emotion to word with gratitude and unquestioning acceptance.
I began:
The poem moves on to the hereafter and the here and now. Writing some days later, some drafts later, I realized that what satisfied me most about the poem--it's obvious hint of self-revelation--worked against the poem opening to the universal and becoming more than confessional. So (with the second stanza added here) I changed pronouns:Myth is the man with the hook
cramped on the door handle of
my family's red Rambler. Seems
I'm about to leak the hue's variant,
a worser rose oxidized in
Mulholland's moist night air.
Myth is the man with his hook
cramped on the door handle of
your family's red Rambler.
Seems you're about to leak the hue's
variant, a worser rose oxidized in
Mulholland's moist night air.
As a reader I'm now more excited about the poem, where it's heading. I have a tingling sense of participation. Granted, I'm easy, a willing participant, happy to be suspended in disbelief, more so after the change because I'm a "you."Your death will be a mystery because
you don't drive on Mulholland at night.
This poem, currently "Poem for Mr. Sage," weaves death, the caring and uncaring universe, kindness, callousness, connection, family, a lover. I think it does, anyway. I believe the poem stands a better chance of being what I just promised it was, with the pronoun substitution. YOU, dear reader, are invited in through more stanzas, more transformation.
You are doing a service to talk about pronouns and what they might mean in terms of inclusion/etc.
ReplyDeleteWhen a poem begins with "I" (I have written a few but no longer do so) I don't read much more than that egotistical pronoun. It's a pet peeve, I know, and others will disagree because there is this great poem beginning with I by...but I figure it is always possible to find another way to begin than by using the very personal and limiting "I" as an opener. Christina Pacosz
That's a great comment, Christina. I have been using and probably overusing "I" lately--it does work and is poetically suitable for some poems--but it was intensely valuable to remember the substitution and its possibilities. I remember how excited I was the first time I substituted "you" some years ago, so I've was especially gratified to tap into that excitment and exploration. Thanks for stopping by.
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