Foodstuff Friday: green cauliflower; Laa Laa and Po spitting on my taste buds

Every so often I am obliged to issue a public service bulletin. Today is such a day. This bulletin's fueled by disappointment, revulsion and seasonal outrage. And depending on how long it takes to get out of the system, green cauliflower.

At the Union Square Farmer's Market I'd been intrigued bins of the other-worldly, green and mossy cauliflower-like vegetables . . if only I'd trusted my instincts. As I was to discover, dear reader, they were the feared anti-sea of golden daffodils.

Green cauliflowers--there were two varieties according to my anecdotal research at one seller's booth--were in hues of lime and sort of mossy but not moldy; shaped like whimsical live grenades. Sinister as Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa Laa and Po. And that's sinister (thank you, ladies and germs).

Of the two varieties, one is aggressively mutated and hybridized for the hothouse. Humanly engineered food is something I avoid so I purchased the allegedly more naturally created green cauliflower. I was told both were slightly sweet.

Sweetness of cauliflower was no selling point, really.

I use cauliflower in soups at least once a week. The flowerettes break down so the soup appears creamy; it's high in fiber, folate, Vitamins C, K, B6, Thiamine, Riboflavin, Phosphorus, Potassium,  Pantothenic Acid and Manganese.

That aside, I like regular old cauliflower. If I want green cauliflower I can buy broccoli. I want "sweet" in a soup or stew I can add an apple or sweet potato. As can you.

Fact being the Soup With Green Cauliflower had an unpleasant taste. Not quite real, not quite hardy and reliable like cauliflower but not delicate (mind you). It isn't chemical, I understand that, but whatever human contrivance goes into making, say, a Hostess Cupcake a good memory, equally makes of a cauliflower grown green something icky, maybe metallic or as if a spatula had melted in the pot.

Eat the pine branches of your tree if you want green. The wrapping paper. The fast-disappearing dollars in your wallet. Eat green M&M's. Eat lettuces and peppers. But avoid green cauliflower unless you want the spirit of Laa Laa and Po spitting on your taste buds.